Maybe he was hungry. I hoped he was hungry. I only ever cooked to see him eat. Jesus. Jesus. It wasn’t worth it. None of it was going to be worth it. Maybe he’d still hate me. Maybe he didn’t want to play my stupid, pathetic, messed-up games.I knew each sound he made. The door shutting. The bolt across. The key scraping. The clink into the bowl. The drop of his shoes. His coat brushing against the wall as he hung it up. There was a pause. He could smell the candles. I heard him think. I swear I could hear it.“Eva?”I opened my mouth and nothing came out. I crossed my legs, my arms, my fingers. I almost wanted to cry. I swallowed hard.“Eva? You here?”My feet were walking without permission. Out of the kitchen, into the hall.“I’m here,” My voice was small, thin, like a scrap of paper.He looked at me. I looked at his chest. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid dress, stupid presents, stupid everything. What if he hated me? What if he was through? He didn’t speak and to fill up the silence I was. Racks the long way were videos, eight or nine rows of them. Along the three walls were racks of anything three dimensional that in anyway dealt with sex. The back wall was actually a false one, behind it was an arcade of coin operated video booths.I stopped when I saw Brenda down the 3rd aisle. She indeed was wearing a collar, a thick one, at least two inches wide, you could not miss it. And drapped over her left shoulder was the dog leash, hanging down as long as her hair. She was facing 5 men and was holding her skirt up over waist with both hands." ... honest opinion," I over heard her conversation, "are these panties too utilitarian, or do you think they're sexy?"The men were speechless, couldn't blame them. Finally a brave soul"Won't know till I feel 'em," one of the men sniggered and elbowed his neighbor."Oh, okay feel free, I'd love to feel your hands on my panties."And the love of my life spread her legs and thrust her pelvis at them. A small stampede ensued, but she soon had.
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